In this edition of the focus we are going to continue our study of the book, “The five Love Languages of Children”. What are we putting into our children? In some high performance cars you need to put high grade fuel. When you do, the engine will run at top performance. If a low grade is put in, it will run but it won’t run at its best. We must fill our children’s tanks with the very best and God can help us do this.
“Filling the Emotional Tank”
Every child has an emotional tank that fuels them through life’s adversity. Yes, adversity, our children are confronted by people who intentionally or unintentionally poke holes in their emotional tanks. A few years ago I was teaching from the book of James chapter 3. In that text the author speaks of how we must tame our tongues. In verse 10 he says “with our mouth we praise our Father in Heaven. Yet with that same mouth, we curse our brother who is made in Gods image.”
As I was sharing with the children this Word, a discussion arose where children acknowledged their hurts from others. They also admitted the times when they hurt others. As parents I don’t believe that any of us want to see our children hurt or discouraged. Therefore we must be sure that we are filling their tanks with the same love we experience from God. This is unconditional Love. We need to fill our children’s emotional tanks with real love, because real love is always unconditional. This love is a full love that accepts and affirms children for who they are, not for what they do.
My wife and I, must monitor whether or not we are setting conditions to our love. I am not saying that we don’t love our children but there are times that, to our love we tag gifts, rewards, or privileges. Our children need to know that we love them no matter what. Remember that a child can be loved, yet if we are not speaking there love language they may not feel loved.
“How does our child feel loved?”
Raising emotionally healthy children in today’s society is not easy. Children are being confronted with drugs, peer pressure, a struggling educational system and a break down in the family (as more and more children come home to empty homes). As a response to the evil in society, parents have put their children in private schools and others have begun to home school their children. Yet I know of an all-powerful God that I have faith in that helps me when confronted with the sin and adversity of live. Can my children know that same God and have a real faith that is lived out in this society? I believe they can and with this bring transformation to their generation and the ones to come. Let’s introduce our children to God and His love and when necessary use words.
“Enjoy a loving relationship with your children.”
This will happen as you speak a love language they can understand and respond to. What is the unique love language that your child speaks? We must learn it and when we do, as parents we will have a deeper understand of how our God has wonderfully created our children. Families with more than one child should take note that each child will have a different love language.
“How to communicate your love”:
While in our parenting class I remember the testimony of one parent who felt as though they were a good parent but admitted that they have a lot of difficulty connecting with their child. I could relate as I believe many of us could. One way to communicate our love to our children is to love them at their level. “Daddy I hit the ball today at the game” “Good job, love you”. Love them verbally and nonverbally. Another example would be, when you had a long day at work, and your are in a not so loving mood, acknowledge there positive behavior and by doing so you fill the love tank a bit more. In the process your mood may even change. The five love languages start with an understanding of unconditional love. We will now begin the process of understanding the five practical tools of the languages. If through the process you find your child to have more than one language it’s OK. As Dr Chapman highlighted find the primary language but at times you will use them all.