“But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”
-James 3:8-10 NIV
In the Journey of life we all deal with insecurities, doubt, and discouragement. Some people try to mask their insecurity in humor, while others mask it in ridicule and mockery. These individuals try to cover up their insecurity and abuse with one of my favorite phrases, “You know we love you that is why we pick on you.”
The biggest place of vulnerability is in our family relationships. If your spouse is continually putting themselves down, or making fun of themselves, then there is some unresolved hurt that needs to be dealt with. If we continually find ourselves giving our spouse a verbal lashing, or we paint an ugly picture of our spouse to those outside of the relationship, then there is hurt that needs to be talked about.
Our insecurities can drive a wedge in our relationship with our spouses. It can hinder communication and even demoralize a person and eventually turn abusive. That is just the beginning. The long term effect on the children can change their future drastically. Children who grow up in a home that has this type of abuse in it will think that this behavior is normal and bring that into any relationship that they might find themselves in later in life. Justifying this action just breeds disease and dysfunction. It is interesting to me that we vaccinate our children and ourselves against all kinds of diseases, yet we don’t filter what comes out of our mouths and eventually affects the lives of those closest to us.
In James chapters 3 and 4 we can learn a little about relationship. We see in this text that the tongue is deceitful and untamable, out of one side of our mouths we build up and out of the other we tear down. In Romans we are taught that the old things are no more, in Christ we are made new. (see Romans 8:1-14) . With this truth in mind we need to surrender our insecurities to Christ, crucify the old man, and allow Christ to tame our tongue. I am reminded of the classic mom saying “Think before you speak.”
Let’s be encouragers in word and action, building up our spouses allowing them to flourish and become all that God has created them to be. Be their cheer leader today. Start small; say thank you for something that was done and go from there. If you struggle with giving a compliment, then evaluate your heart. Talk to God, talk to your spouse, and if needed seek counsel. There are very gifted people that God can use to help you strengthen your marriage. For additional resourcing feel free to visit my sight at www.revdaverodriguez.com.
“Thoughtless words cut like a sword. But the tongue of wise people brings healing.”
-Proverbs 12:18 NIrV
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”